i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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