so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
sex in a hospital.. check
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
