Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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