you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
