Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
