Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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