weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
