Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
