There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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