it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize