how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
