i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i think i have herpe
just one?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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