Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
