the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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