i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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