U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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