Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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