I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
