id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
