He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
