fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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