you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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