If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
