Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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