Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
