I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
