im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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