Don't make out with my wife yet
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
