Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
