Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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