Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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