Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
