how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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