really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
