True but thats because hes a fetus.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
