I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
