I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
