Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
