Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
