just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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