Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
