I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My cat gives me a boner
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
