is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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