i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
