I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
