ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
