Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
