If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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