Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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