I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
