Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
