I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
