Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
