Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize