I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
