at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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