He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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