You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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