if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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