drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
