i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
