She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
