Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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