jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize