bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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