guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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