Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
