who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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