He kissed a someone with a penis
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
