I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
