You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
