I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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