I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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