That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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